re: not wanting kids

petitetimidgay:

i’ve seen a lot of pushback against “kid hating” lately, so let me just say a few things:

  • i don’t particularly like kids
  • they make me uncomfortable
  • the idea of being responsible for the physical and emotional well being of a child freaks me out
  • being pregnant is incredibly unappealing to me
  • i wouldn’t want to screw up my kids or scar them in any way with my shitty parenting
  • i don’t want to have to organize my personal/professional lifestyle and finances around my children for 21+ years
  • i just don’t want kids

but

  • i would never be mean to children
  • i love other people’s kids
  • i completely understand why other people want children
  • i’m fully aware that many others struggle to conceive and i would never disrespect or belittle that pain
  • i don’t think less of anyone for wanting kids

the idea that people who don’t want kids are inherently selfish, uncaring assholes is a lazy, misogynistic attempt to shame people (primarily women) for prioritizing personal goals and self care above parenthood. Choosing to have children doesn’t automatically make you more kind or selfless or fulfilled than people who don’t. Wanting to remain childfree is not the same as “hating kids,” nor does it mean you’re a horrible person. It’s a personal choice like everything else, so can we please stop being shitty about it?

How to Kill Feelings of Inadequacy

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Choose to like, love, value, and believe in yourself. Choose to be your greatest allay – and the best friend you could have.
2. Ask a good friend if they’ll tell you what they like about you most. Then believe what they are saying – don’t just push their words aside.
3. Commit to discovering what you’re good at and enjoy, then invest time in developing those attributes and traits.
4. Don’t exalt others’ gifts as if they matter more than yours. Every talent is important. Don’t right off your personal strengths.
5. Learn to show yourself compassion when you struggle or you fail. And remember “you are human” – so you’re going to make mistakes.
6. Notice ways that you are growing … ways you’re changing over time. Give yourself some credit for this – you are different from before.

bell hooks resources

themindislimitless:

Some of the work bell hooks’ has done as available on the internet for personal education and reference. Certain books that were up are gone and I’m looking about finding them again. In the meantime if you need them, contact me by leaving a message with your email address in the submissions box and I’ll email them to you. If you find anything, please contact me as well. The most updated version of this list will always be here.

To note, this is meant in particular for those people who’d like to educate themselves but don’t have the resources to get these books for themselves. bell hooks has put a lot of work into these, and it would be horrible if you could afford to buy the books and didn’t.

More online resources here.

Edit as of 23rd June, 2014: list updated (and alphabetized). Many thanks to wretchedoftheearth, elainecastillo, grim-dark, erosum, mmmajestic, andreaisace, ebookcollective, cantbereallif, ericstoller, sittinghereinbluejayway, nebulaemporium and other people through emails who all helped add links and resources.