Keep eatin like that you gon get blown away with the wind!
Tag: lol
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.
The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell
An actual clip from an actual interview with Tommy Wiseau where Greg tried to playfully pass the football to Tommy like old times and tommy was too oblivious to even flinch or reflex.
miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit. im shooting everything. im laying down cover fire. im shooting the walls. im shooting my teammates. im shooting myself. my accuracy is 100% yall just dont know what im aiming at
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
mexican recipes: start cooking with the sunrise only after you have all your 54 ingredients lined up in front of you to hopefully be done by lunch time, theres a very specific order and method to mix in each ingredient which will be whispered to you by the humming birds and the rustle of leaves in the little town your abuela was born in
yall: look at this funny clip of an overwatch match i had
me, someone who hasnt played overwatch and hasnt a clue what the fucks going on: haha yeah they sure are running everywhere huh
paranoid parrot
How is this bird reading my mind?
I feel so attacked
get out of my head
I’d just like to state that with the exception of perhaps the 3rd to last [left to right] this actually doesn’t describe paranoia, but hypervigilance which is super common with people who have anxiety
paranoia is…… /extremely specific/
^^^important info added.
nomad-hermit 