claroquequiza:

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT

mangopresident:

im ignoring all these “woke” rappers preaching about social problems until they stop calling women hoes and bitches and using them as props in their videos *applies eye cream and goes to sleep*

thebootydiaries:

floccinaucinihilipilificationa is my soul

Struggling to compliment myself

edrecoveryprobs:

(x)

wiltingboy:

the good thing about me is that you can not talk to me for 3 weeks and then talk to me and I’ll be fine and still care about you the same way I did before

the bad thing is that I do that to people and they don’t understand that sometimes I just don’t feel like interacting with people.

dreamswillbe:

As negative as this may be, this is me inside and out. I have no idea who wrote this but it perfectly describes me and all of my hair-brained craziness. I was actually shocked when I read it because I didn’t know other people had thoughts like this too.

twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

thepreciousthing:

adire-adire:

victorysunshine:

goldfish-kisses:

geek-in-a-box:

martiemcfly:

WHY ARENT THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS

LIKE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AS A KIDS PLAYGROUND

BUT BIGGER

WHY DO WE NOT HAVE THOSE

theme parks. just. theme parks.

but u have to pay for theme parks

that’s the adult part

son of a bitch

ladies and gentlemen, behold

the St. Louis City Museum:

Playground for adults and children.

They even serve alcohol.

I know where we’re going guys

cascadians:

i don’t think anyone understands that when i say i get secondhand embarrassment easily i mean at the first sign of trouble for a character in a television show i immediately pause and sit there for ten to thirty minutes thinking “oh god they fucked up”